If you had told me before coming to the US that I would meet my husband here I would have called you crazy. 365 days ago I got married in St. Augustine, FL, and it still seems like a dream to me.
My husband and I got married exactly 7 months after we met for the first time. Everything in the relationship went pretty quick but it all flowed smoothly. We talked about it and no one felt like it was “too quick”. It just simply felt like it was the right time for things to happen.
There are a few things that I think I should tell you about Mr. G. For example, he definitely knows how to annoy me. He does it pretty good when he wants to (and sometimes without even trying). But he also knows how to make me smile. And he makes me laugh. And I feel like we can talk about anything and everything. And he’s one of the people that I feel most comfortable with; I can be totally open about everything and I know he will accept me the way I am, as he’s been doing since we met. Do you know that moment in the beginning of a relationship when you smile because you received a text from that person? Yeah, I still do that.
Now, this is not a fairytale and there are bad moments for sure, but at the end of the day we make the decision of being together with that person. And that’s what counts. For better or worse, right?
I was told that the first year of marriage is one of the hardest ones. In this case, it has been. Oh, yes. We had a few “situations” that added a little extra challenge to the mix, but I couldn’t be happier that we made it, and we keep making it every single day.
On a funny note, sometimes it’s still weird for me to call him “husband” when talking to someone. Maybe I have to say it a certain number of times before it’s normal to me? Has anyone felt this way and how long did it take for you to get used to the “title”? It’s not that I’m not comfortable with being married, but I think of him as Mr. G., not as “husband”. Does it make any sense or am I just rambling?
So let’s get to the point. I have been thinking lately about things that I’ve learned during this past year and I have come up with 10 different things. Of course, we are still learning things from each other; I think we will always do. And that’s something that I love.
1. Communication is KEY. Neither my husband or me can read minds, even if sometimes we finish each other phrases, I call him when he’s thinking of calling me or we agree on doing something without really talking about it. I’m still working on this, because, as a woman, I sometimes expect him to know what I want without telling him. Ha!
Also, it is important how we communicate. For example, Mr. G. tends to raise his voice when he’s passionate about something during a conversation or an argument. I learned that he wasn’t shouting at me, but being passionate about the subject. Also, he learned how I felt about him expressing that loud, so he tries not to raise his voice.
2. My (sometimes) crazy OCD. I knew I was a little too obsessed about some things, but I am really trying to work on this because I understand how annoying it can be. I was going to put an example, but I don’t want you to know exactly how crazy I am LOL
3. Everyone needs some “ME” time, and that’s actually great. There has to be a balance between spending time together and having time to yourself. Go with your friends or stay home doing your thing, but dedicate time to yourself every once in a while.
4. It takes work. If you’ve been in a relationship you know this already. It can take more or less work but it’s nothing like in the movies. Sure, in the beginning everything is going to be perfect like a fairy tale, but reality comes in and you’ll have to wake up. Two different people with two different backgrounds and personalities. If you want it to work you will have to put some effort into it.
5. Old habits die hard. The typical story about guys not putting down the toilet seat. We all laugh about that but it’s true (for the record, I explained Mr. G. one of the reasons to put it down and he does it 100% of the times now. If you’re reading this, THANK YOU, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!). I have changed some of my habits too. It’s called compromise. In any case, there’s no point on trying to change something that he/she doesn’t want to change. If that habit doesn’t annoy you, great. If it does, breath in and out 10 times or get over it (still working on this on both sides). And this comes with…
6. You have to choose your battles. This one comes from my mom and she was right (of course!). You can’t fight for everything because the only thing that you’re going to get is to destroy the relationship by getting the other person (and yourself) tired. You have to choose what is worth an argument/fight and what doesn’t.
7. Marriage doesn’t mean that your days of fun are over. Come on! Really? I keep hearing this one and I still don’t understand. Just because you’re married you don’t have to stay home every weekend, or stop seeing your friends, or go do whatever you want! If you feel like that maybe you should have a talk with your S.O….
8. As always, actions speak louder than words. Don’t say you’ll do something and then not do it. And lead by example. How can you ask him/her to pay attention to whatever you’re saying if you don’t listen when he/she is talking?
9. Different is good. Mr. G. has a certain way of doing things and traditions and I have my own. Together we can decide the mix that works for us so we can create our own ways and traditions. Not only that, but when we have kids we will speak 3 different languages at home as we want them to be part of each of our cultures. That is something that I really love.
10. Marriage is a team. As a team both teammates need to work in the same direction and complement each other to make it work. It’s not about the 50/50 rule, but about finding the balance that makes the relationship succeed.
I know I still have a lot to learn and every day that passes by I discover new things about living with another person and being married. And I can’t wait for the new findings!
601 days ago (it’s actually 723 today)